Wayfarer By Faith: Journey

At some stage, all of us are called to face our point of no return. By that, I mean that stage in life where you choose to go or not to go; where you say yes or no to God, in regards to a specific calling or direction you are about to take.

The point of no return is when you say yes to God and surrender your plans wholly to Him. The point of no return is when you fall in love with the people He has called you to bless and reach and show compassion to. The point of no return is when you forge those heart and soul relationships with difficult people and begin to cross the barriers that were once so impossible to break down. The point of no return is when you realize that this tough thing is your calling, your destiny. Then instead of fighting it, or giving in to doubt and fear, you begin to embrace it along with all its challenges. This is the point of no return – when you realize that this is God’s best for you. And nothing else will satisfy you anyway, no matter how enticing all these ‘other’ things appear to be at times.

Since I got back from my first trip to Africa this February, I was on the ‘cusp’ of my very own point of no return. I could still turn away from it all and tell God, ‘Yeah it was an amazing trip, but I don’t think I’ll ever go back to do harder things.’ I could have thought to myself, ‘Now I’ve got some fine experiences down for my future resume, I can get back to life in Australia quite comfortably.’ But for some reason, I just knew that there was going to be more. It was a ‘taster’ trip, and also a test of my personal resolve in seeking God’s purpose for my life. When I came back, I knew that there were things I needed to let go right here in Australia. I needed to focus on where God was leading me, and relinquish my own well-crafted plans.

And you know what God was telling me? He was telling me to spend the most part of 2015 with Him: just to sit and soak in his presence; to read and reflect on his word; to sing songs and write songs; to wait on him for the next thing. Now that’s a hard thing to do. I’m prone to saying yes to many things and most people. I have a tendency to want to move and do and go, go, go! The fact that I’ve spent the last 7 months doing very little apart from reading (I’ve read over 40 books in this time period), playing music, songwriting, teaching music, and serving at a local church made of predominantly Sudanese young people, is itself miraculous. I’ve stopped all my socializing and meeting up with people. I’ve stopped going out and watching movies whenever I felt like it (yes I used to do that all the time when I was in university!). I’ve stopped all the other things that used to distract me. It wasn’t easy at first, saying no to things. But after a month or two, I began to enjoy this luxury of ‘rest’ and just spending more and more time with God. Now I'm able to say yes to some of these things again in the right measure, but also in light of my daily reality with God - which really changes everything!

It was only when I began to take the time to listen to God and let His love sink deep into my heart that I began to change my outlook and attitude. I began to strive less and serve more (I’m still learning this!). I began to relinquish my critical attitude and become more aware of my subtle veneer of pride. I began to discover more fully my identity in Jesus Christ, and this inexpressible joy and peace began to flood into my existence. Although I had to go through some dark moments, now I look back and realize that those were my defining points of choosing. Would I give up on seeking God just because I was going through a tough time, or would I press on and dig deeper? Would I give up on the people God has called and led me to love and serve, or would I stay put and keep giving until there was a breakthrough?

Now I can only look back with immeasurable thankfulness to God for keeping me through and making sure I didn’t give up and go on with my self-assured life plans that were so ingrained in me before my first African trip. Now I really can’t thank God enough for His grace. He wanted to lead me to this point of no return. I can now see all those times where I was tempted and enticed to go just the opposite direction – to do my own thing, to rebel against God’s best purposes, to run my own life with people whom I weren’t meant to journey with. But thank God! Those wrong turns were intercepted as I realized that I was going downhill. And it felt awful – although at first it seemed great. Needless to say, I came running back to God, who really was with me all along. My heart began to sink into the right place again, and then I had to make those decisions to stay put in the right place with the right people I needed to be with for this season.

And now I’ve gone deeper along the point of no return. I truly feel now that I can’t go back to where I once was. A dog should never return to his vomit. There’s really nothing great about it. I see it now. In a few weeks I’m heading back to Rwanda and I’m forever grateful to God for keeping me on track every time I’ve veered off track. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be making this trip. If I didn’t spend all those daily two to four hours with him, away from everything else, I wouldn’t be making this trip. If he didn’t teach me to persevere and to do the hard yards, I wouldn’t be making this trip and progressing along the path He has called me to.

In the end, the point of no return is when I realize God’s love for me (and you) is really so immeasurable and that nothing else in this world could satiate my soul-hunger for His presence. I want nothing else but to be where He has called me to be. All those other things that used to entice me now pale in comparison to how beautiful and deep and faithful and loving God is to me through Jesus Christ my Saviour and Friend.

I woke up this morning and looked out the window. An orange glow streamed through the colourful, patterned curtains. The trees outside were tinged with the fiery yellow of the breaking dawn. I could hardly believe it. I was waking up in Africa. I am now in Zimbabwe. I think it will take a few days for this surreal realization to fade away. Or perhaps it never will.

I am living at the ACTS missions team house in the north of Harare with a few other missions volunteers from Melbourne and Perth. It is amazing when I think about how God connected me once again with such like-minded individuals to share the first two weeks of my time in Zimbabwe. One of them is Lucinda De Vos, a 21 year old chicka whom I had never met in my life, but who turned out to share the exact same passions in music, teaching music, working with children with special needs, and music therapy! And of course most recently, coming to Africa. Honestly, if we truly just lived in a purposeless, accidental world, what are the chances I meet someone like that on the exact trip I am planning with all this in my mind’s eye and heart’s vision for the future!? It is unbelievable and yet something I somehow expected – because I had specifically asked God for it! I wanted to embark on my Africa trip knowing people who shared the same vision and convictions in life – it sure does make the journey a lot more fun and exciting.

Today was my first Sunday in Zim. I had the privilege of joining a pioneering ministry called ONE Church in a suburb called Avondale. It was such a great thing to join a bunch of believers – a mix of missionaries, local white and black Zimbabweans, and visiting volunteers like myself – for a Sunday morning of praise and worship, and hearing God’s word. What always amazes me when I go someplace different and yet find myself among fellow Christians and believers, is the simple fact and feeling that these people – no matter how different they are from me – have also encountered the love and truth and hope of Jesus Christ where they’re at. I count it such a blessing to be able to hang out with these perfect strangers and yet know deep down that they aren’t strangers at all – because we are fellow sojourners on this life journey. By the grace of God, founded on the solid rock of faith in Jesus, we’re headed in the same direction and pursuing the same things in the kingdom of God.

One thing I keep writing about is the simple thing that every where I go, I intentionally ask God to lead me to the right people, and for Him to draw the right people to me. People who share the same heart and vision for serving God and living out their faith and love for Jesus by serving others wherever they may be. You could be in a wealthy country, or an impoverished slum, but you can still serve and bless others with what you have – you.

After church, I struck up a conversation briefly with a young chap named David who soon revealed that he was from England, and that he moved to Zim after university to work with Christian Aid and coordinate the advocacy program for Gender Equality here. We didn’t talk for long, but before I had to rush off, I just told him with all sincerity, ‘I’d love to hear more about your work here and what you do. Hope to meet again sometime!’ Then I had to say goodbye.

But just before we went off, he ran up to me and invited me to catch up again next week with a few other young people at the church for lunch at a sushi bar or something. We exchanged contact and that was that. I believe we’ll meet again!

I think it’s especially awesome when you cross paths briefly with those whom you’d never meet anywhere else, but if there’s that flicker of like-mindedness, it just draws people together no matter how short a time they have. I feel like I have been learning so much the last three years in all my travelling, volunteering and serving with different communities, that if you keep an open heart and an inquisitive mind, you will always meet other inspiring folk who can impact your life and teach you something new no matter how small it may be. And it makes me smile to think of it – that God would love us so much to bring the right strangers, friends, family, or even foes along our path every step of the way to shape us and grow us to be more like Him along this life-long odyssey.

As if not enough things have already been happening the last ONE AND A HALF DAYS I’ve been in Zimbabwe, after church, we were invited to attend our first Zimbabwean wedding! The groom – Douglas – is one of the leaders working with ONE Church and he is going to start a ministry in an impoverished township called Hatcliffe. I will actually have the opportunity in the next few days to help out in the street kids ministry and orphanage projects there, so I will get to know Dougie and his wife. Anyhow, we were soon on our way to the venue as we trundled along in our run-down but immeasurably useful combi-van to the outskirts of Harare at a place called Westgate, where the ceremony and party was to be held. All along the way, you would see people milling about along the red-orange dusty road sides, selling maize, veggies, drinks, newspapers and the like. I figure people walk a lot here, any time of the day, even when it is pitch black at night (as most of the street lights are either non-existent or do not work).

The wedding was conducted almost entirely in Shona, the largest tribe in Zim and the most widely spoken language apart from English. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, the loud music, the lively dancing and whooping and cheering. The food was simple, but delicious – rice with potatoes, yellow sweet potatoes, a chunk of curried beef, veggies and a piece of chicken. It makes me so happy just to know that everywhere, people want to love and be loved – by God, who loves so unconditionally, and by our fellow man, who is learning to love by the transformative power of God’s grace :)

And as if all this was not enough, I was also invited by my dear friend Simba (a.k.a Marc) to join his girlfriend and his two younger siblings for a carols night Christmas event at Celebration Ministries – one of the largest churches in Harare. It was so, so, so great to have finally met Simba in person – to talk face to face and laugh face to face! It was equally awesome to meet his family, who has kindly offered to have me join them during the Christmas and New Year’s period after I have finished with my missions volunteering. I sent him a message afterwards saying, ‘I’m already convinced that I’ve met some of the best people in Zim now!’ And he replied, ‘And we have met one of the greatest people out of Australia.’ I just think he and his family are the friendliest people on the planet earth. How often do you find such genuinely kind and God-fearing people? And what more, to find them halfway across the world through the most impossible means? Out of millions of people in Africa and hundreds of thousands in Zimbabwe, this one person – Simba – found my blog and got in touch after reading one of my write ups? And because of this simple, thread-thin connection made possible through the precarious realm of the World Wide Web, I found another invaluable God-sent friend traversing the same path of faith and yet living in a place I had never thought to go to. Honestly! :) But as we always say, ‘God is good!’

Now I’m sitting in my room, in its lovely simplicity, journaling all this. I have some Hillsong worship music playing on my phone. And right now, I’m thinking, I’m gonna get off this and I need to sing some songs. I just feel so full – I’m bursting with the desire to thank God and sing out my gratitude for all He’s doing, not only in my life, but in every person I am meeting here and in every person I have met in Australia who has been part of my journey and instrumental in preparing me for this pivotal season of my life.

I trust God for tomorrow. It is in His mighty hands. The world will worry and fret and envy, but I want to be free. I am free in Jesus because of His love for me – it is the first and only thing that has brought me to this place of trust and freedom. Nothing else in this world satisfied me – nothing. Why do I write all this? Because I believe it, and I see this truth changing lives all around me who are also daring to take the leap of faith and reason. Through it all, God is enough for me.

Bid farewell to my parents and sisters earlier :') Now waiting to catch the long flight to Johannesburg!!! It's strange to think how long I've been waiting for this day to come, but now that it's here, I myself am not quite 'there' yet. In the midst of it all though, I am so, SO thankful to God for every opportunity and for taking me this far. Crazy days ahead!

That was a post I made before I took off. Now after nearly forty hours of travel, transit - through Perth and Johannesburg - and talking with different people along the way, I am finally here! For real, it's unreal.

While on the long flights, I had the opportunity to really reflect and pray and journal about what's been going on in my life recently, all the strange coincidences that really aren't coincidences at all - because they so specifically match the prayers I've been praying and the opportunities I've been seeking!

Through all this, I thank God. For His grace, his mercy, his counsel, his direction, his acceptance, his strength, and most transformative and unchanging of all, his love.

As I bumped along the dusty, pothole-riddled roads to the missions guesthouse in northern Harare, I felt captivated by the strangeness of everything. It was exactly as I expected, but a tad worse and then at some points a tad better. So I feel sucked into this vortex of strange feelings that aren't really feelings. Maybe it is just my mind and eyes taking in the sights and sounds and smells of a world so unlike my own. Maybe it's because I feel so tired that I can't grasp everything at once and yet make sense of it all. I feel overwhelmed by the simplicity - but it's also like being stuck in some time warp. I have to stop comparing what I am seeing now with what I have gotten accustomed to in Australia. Perhaps all you can do is this: you just take it in, silently, with awe, with uncertainty, but never with fear. I know that in every single step and leg of the journey, I am not alone. God is with me. I trust that.

Anyhow, I am unbelievably exhausted now, but here's a quick cool story: on the flight from Jo'burg, I 'happened' to sit beside a lovely white Zimbabwean couple, Bruce and Sue Douglas, who soon revealed that they were living, farming, maintaining a shop and butcher as well as ministering to villagers in the rural north. For years, they've been taking their fishing boat along Lake Kariba to visit villages and build relationships with the rural folk. They shared some truly inspiring stories and invited me to stay at their farmhouse, meet their adopted kids, spend a few days round Christmastime so I can meet the people!!! Honestly, I hadn't even landed in Zim yet and I was already meeting such God-sent folk :') I'm mind-blown.

Before I crash into bed and completely zonk out, let me just end this update with a deeply thankful sigh and three equally deep and real words that make up a true significance in my life:

God

good.

(Maybe let's add three more..)

good!

Since I returned from my backpacking and volunteering odyssey in Israel and Jordan, I have been feverishly planning and booking and researching all the things that I need to confirm for my Africa trip this December! I will be going for nearly three months and it will be an exciting journey spanning several countries. I’ll be passing through South Africa, then staying for the most part in Zimbabwe while doing missions, spending some time with a Zimbabwean friend and his family, and also heading to the Zimbabwean-Mozambican border at a small town called Mutare where I’ll be doing some work with Serving in Mission (SIM) and their sister organisation Hope for Aids. I’ll also be going to the land of a thousand hills – Rwanda (!!!) – to visit one of the only music schools there, Kigali Music School affiliated with Musicians without Borders, and to finally meet my Compassion sponsor child of the past two years. Her name is Ntawangaheza and she lives in a village in the southern hills of Rwanda with her family.

After Rwanda, I head to Kenya, my last stop. I will be visiting a project with Spur Afrika in the urban slums of Kibera and then travelling some before I embark on my final project – teaching music at a school in Nairobi while staying with a Kenyan family. Phew. I can’t believe I bought the tickets for these internal flights – even before knowing what I’ll do there or how I’ll get the money. But really, it’s been a step out in faith. As I continued to do my research, I found new opportunities and made new contacts for the places I’d be going to. There always seems to be just enough, from my music earnings and from past savings (although I’ve spent quite a bit travelling to the Middle East). And of course, I can’t thank God enough for the Volunteer Africa grant that I was awarded by Mission Travel Group last year.

You know, I just wanna’ say, I cannot for the life of me have ever conjured – even in the most ludicrous of imaginations – the idea that I’d one day be going to all these places in Africa and also finally getting to meet my Zimbabwean friend as well as my sponsor child in Rwanda. I honestly can only thank God with all my heart, and with my life, because none of this would have been possible without His guidance. As I knocked on many different doors, I asked God to allow the right ones to be open at the best times. And He has. I cannot believe that these are mere coincidences, because they have been way too specific to the things I have prayed about, the things I have asked for, the things that even perfect strangers or friends who had known nothing about my plans have spoken to me about, the things I have journalled in the midnight hours and cried about. This is my story, and I know if there’s a reason I got here, there’s a reason for me to share it.

Two years ago, when I made a trip back to Malaysia with my family as well as travelled in Bangkok, I was convicted to do something different with my life. It sounds dramatic, but at the time, it was simply a prayer from my heart and soul. When I walked the streets of Bangkok and saw the horrible things that most tourists would casually glide past, I felt this compassion within me for the lost and weary, for those sitting in darkness and in difficult places. I believe this passion was being fanned into flame by God himself. Since then, it has grown. This conviction has solidified into something weighty and centripetal in my life, as I continued to dig deeper, read about people from different and difficult places, make connections with others from various cultural backgrounds and religions I never thought I’d befriend, and ask God for opportunities to use my love for music and travel to go where he wants me to go. It all sounds very exciting, but at the time, I was still only eighteen turning nineteen. I had just graduated from highschool the year before and begun my music performance degree at the Melbourne Conservatorium. I knew I wasn’t quite ready yet to travel on my own or to do all these overwhelmingly big things that were in my mind’s vision. All I could do was cry out to God and ask Him to lead me.

Several times, I felt God whisper into my thoughts, either while I was praying, playing music, taking a long walk, journaling or reading my Bible – that He would lead me to places I never thought of before. He would take me to people living in spiritually dark places – people who were losing hope and who were in prison to their own vices or the religion imposed on them by their culture or society. God assured me, through all this, no matter how difficult things seem, how impossible they appear, how far-fetched they are, that I will not lack a single good thing. Since then He has always reminded me to not look to the left or to the right – to not worry about what other people are doing or not doing. I need to focus on what I can do right now and what He has already placed before me. So that’s what I have been doing.

All the stuff I’d been involved in during the past two years – my volunteering at The Song Room not-for-profit organisation and teaching children from Sudanese refugee families, serving with the African church and youth in Dandenong, writing and performing music with my Congolese band, leading a university girls group with Crossway’s Young Adults, solo travelling around Australia and then most recently in Israel, and so much more – has definitely shaped me to be the person that I am. God has and is still preparing me for what is to come.

Admittedly, I’ve made mistakes along the way, I have been untruthful at times to myself and to those closest to me. I have tried to ignore God’s voice, I have disappointed my family in many ways, I have gone astray and done things I’d be ashamed to speak of. But through all this, God has kept me. He really has. His grace and truth has been my anchor. Even though I had made some wrong turns, and I believe last year was a year I was going off track (it was as if the devil himself was trying to stop me from arriving at this pivotal year in my life – 2014 – where I would have all these crazy opportunities open to me), God has brought me back. The thought itself fills me with hope and wonder. God has brought me home! This realization led me to write a song of His unconditional love, and one of the lines goes: ‘How can the God of the universe, love me as His own? Oh just how marvellous this is!’

In the end, I have realized that it’s not about how bad I’ve messed up – though I still might have to face the consequences of my actions – it’s about coming back Home. God loves us beyond our craziest, deepest comprehension. I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing out there in the world that can satisfy me. Nothing at all. I’ve gone there and it’s a dark, bleak place. It’s cool for a while, it’s entertaining for a bit, but then it begins to lose meaning – and then you find yourself lost in the din. It was only in brokenness and tears that I found Yeshua reaching out to me. He always had been. It was I who had slipped away. And He let me, knowing that through my mistake, I would eventually be able to confront the truth and experience His peace with deeper conviction.

In 2012 when I made that prayer while in Bangkok, telling God that I want to do something with my life that would coincide with His purpose for me, I never have thought that two years later I’d be going to volunteer and backpack in Israel and in the same year embark on a trip to Africa. If someone told me that by the time I’m 20, I’d be playing music and talking about faith with some new friends in a predominantly Arab village in north Israel, or that I would be going to see my Zimbabwean friend and my Rwandan sponsor child, all in the same year – I would have laughed nervously and dismissed your lunacy. But it’s happening now. How?

All I can say is that it has happened over time, over months of prayer and committing new things to God, over days and weeks of research and reading, over long walks and tears shed and silent dark nights of the soul. People often think that I make decisions ‘spontaneously’, because I only tell everyone a few months before where I am going or what I’m doing. But in actual fact, it has been brewing in my mind for a substantial amount of time already. Nevertheless, I do also operate quite spontaneously – but that is usually when I’m already on the move! Still, I don’t like telling anyone until I know I’ve got the facts right and I’m actually going to do it. In the past, I have made the mistake of talking about things too early, when I didn’t yet know if I could commit myself to them. I still fall into that trap sometimes, but I’m learning to watch my words.

Honestly, this story is so long, as there are so many facets to the journey. People may ask me why I chose to go to Zimbabwe, why this, why that, and a whole lot of other questions that would take all day to answer. But let’s start with Zim. It’s simple, and it’s quite crazy, to think of it.

Around one and a half years ago, I met a friend from Zimbabwe – not face to face, but through my blog writings on For A Purpose. This guy named Marc sent me a very encouraging message after reading one of my articles about faith and a topic on those lines. We kept in touch because I found that we shared similar perspectives on life and faith and various things. He also wrote really insightful articles on his own website, The Timeless Spectator. Incredibly, we were on the same spiritual journey and shared a similar plane of thought. Just in our written conversations, I was learning a lot. One day we asked each other about our churches, and he was telling me about the amazing worship music that his church band leads. I remember saying, oh one day I hope to visit your church - Celebration Ministries - in Zimbabwe! And I wasn’t just saying it. I remember now that at that moment, I stopped writing to ask God for the opportunity one day to go to Zimbabwe, meet my friend, visit his church and possibly do more than just travel there. Since then, we’ve continued to keep in touch and we exchange voice notes all the time. He has been a real friend, a real encourager and a blessing in my life. I know it’s hard to believe – but I’ve always found it difficult to tell people the full details of the things I do and the encounters I’ve had in various places. They’re always a bit out of the ordinary.

Anyway, since I won the Volunteer Africa grant with Mission Travel Group last December, I had decided I wanted to use it to do some missions work in

Zimbabwe

. My friend Marc, I believe, has truly been God-sent – he has been able to educate me thoroughly about the situation in Zim, and given me a lot of sound advice in terms of travel and outreach. I can’t believe that God could send me someone so like-minded and also passionate about Jesus and empowering young people, who is halfway across the world, to speak into my life and to give me pointers about going to Africa! How, of all websites did he happen to find mine while Googling for something else? I told you, I don’t believe in coincidences anymore.

To be continued…

[I will share about how and why I'm going to Rwanda!]